Pro tips for insulting a recruiter

There is a German term for taking pleasure from someone else’s misfortune: schadenfreude. Sounds kind of terrible, I know, but I respect the Germans for inventing a word that perfectly captures what we all secretly feel on occasion. Or maybe not so secretly depending on how much of an a**hole you are. But you can’t deny we’ve all felt a tiny spurt of pleasure at the idea that someone else is having a worse day than we are. Or got a worse grade on a test. Or smaller pay raise. Whatever.

Since I don’t speak German, I am not quite sure whether “shadenfreude” (said with a very German accent, mind you) is the appropriate term for trying to make yourself feel better by dragging someone down to your level and then propping yourself up by climbing on top of them. Usually with a few well-placed metaphorical elbows to the gut and nose.

But, whatever that term is, we see a good number of those types of people in my industry.

Let me explain.

Some people can get really nasty when we tell them they are not going to become employed through our agency. The primary reason this happens is because of a weak work history, but the occasional felony charge will get you placed in the immediate DNU camp as well.

Upon being informed of their lack of eligibility status, these types of people can get…

1. Argumentative. “What do you mean I’m not eligible!”

2. Defensive. “That wasn’t my fault.”

3. Start to beg. “Please, I really need this.” 

Or…queue those elbows I mentioned.

My coworker recently spoke to a guy with abysmally weak work history applying for a job he was notably underqualified for. My coworker called to give him the no-go news, wherein the dude tries to make his case for about a minute and a half. I hear my coworker reiterate fact that his work history is too weak for our clients, and there's no longevity in any of his roles. Then my coworker laughs and hangs up the phone.

Nosy Nancy that I am, I ask him what's so funny.

Coworker: I've never been told I suck at life by a candidate before.

Me: Well, if that's the worst thing you've been told, you're doing damn good.

Mostly I enjoy the insults people throw at us in an attempt to make themselves feel better about how much they're failing at life, but here are a few tips if you really want to dig in the fingernails for some well-placed gouges:

Tip: If you are trying to insult me by making a snide comment about my job, do remember that I have a job whereas you, by definition, do not. Best to steer the insult train somewhere else.

Tip: If you want to cut me down by building yourself up, don't discuss money. If you're calling me for work, I can guarantee I'm making more than you.

Tip: If you get upset because you're told your work history is weak, take a swing at staying at your next job for more than two months. Trust me. I’ll really feel like you stuck it to me good, and, well, maybe your life WILL be better the next time we meet.