Can I speak to HR?

For those outside of any kind of office environment, I get that the nuances between different departments get a bit lost. For example, I advise employees on a daily basis over the specifics of their pay structure, but Accounting deals with the actual mechanics of getting people paid. I coach and terminate employees on a weekly basis, but I don’t get into the specifics of termination conflict resolution – HR does.

As an aside: Of all of the different departments associated with dealing with contract employees, it is HR I fear the most. I don’t work in HR for a reason. Probably best given the myriad of reasons why I would also be absolutely wretched at working in HR…

The summary point, though, is that anytime someone asks to speak to HR, I oblige with nothing short of joy in my heart. Whatever comes after a request to speak to HR is generally something I want no part of as it would not, as they say, spark any joy.

But, as they also say: to every rule there is an exception!

Starting with some background first: Getting employed in the food service department of a hospital is a more rigorous process than a lot of other industries: background check, SSN trace, DHS fingerprinting, OLVs, MMR vaccination, Varicella vaccination, negative TB checks, etc. The specifics of each of those are not relevant to the story aside from giving you the impression of the number of different hoops one needs to jump through with this client. Average time from interviewing with the supervisor to an employee’s first day is 23 days – it’s a long hiring process.

Now, the protagonist of this particular story started as a referral from a current hospital employee who had been working there for 20-some years and was very well-thought of. The kid was, in fact, her kid, and the food service supervisor of the hospital (heroically) decided to give this kid a chance.

He struggled through the hiring process. Not a great sign. Apparently the complexities of when to show up for a vaccine versus sign the paperwork versus be on time for a fingerprinting appointment are complicated even when one has a dedicated recruiting resource such as myself hand-holding the entire process (and using a lot of figurative hand sanitizer to go along with that particular metaphor).

However, we finally made it to the start date, and I celebrated with a sigh of relief. After all, his mother also works at the same hospital, so I probably wouldn’t need to worry about him too terribly much. Right?

Wrong.

Within the first week of this kid working, I get no less than three emails from the supervisor with a request for additional coaching:

1. He always has his cell phone out. He should only be using it when he's on break, not when he's in the kitchen, dishwashing area, around food, or delivering trays to patients.

2. He doesn't seem to be retaining any of the training or paying attention when someone is telling him how to do something. They have to explain it to him every single time, without fail.

3. He needs to use both hands when working. (Internal comment: Yes. I know. Why would you NOT use both hands to do something if you had two perfectly functional hands?!? Which he did/does.)

I counsel the kid on the three issues and get a very lackluster “ok” when I was done. I doubled down and told him to improve or his assignment would be ended. Another lackluster “ok.”

Well, fine. I reported back to the supervisor that he had been coached on the issues and let her know that he was very 'meh' about the whole thing, so she should let me know if things don't improve.

Funnily enough, they don't.

Another email comes through a couple of days later with a request to end his assignment. “Very unmotivated. Is still using his phone via his Applewatch and actually took a call from a friend while he was on the tray line and let them know he was working and that he'd call back later. Still does not seem to be retaining anything as we have to re-explain every single job given to him, even if he's given the same job several different times per shift.”

Sigh.

I called to let him know his assignment had been ended, and he was not to return back onsite in the employee-only areas for any reason.

[Sidebar: Yes, this needs to be stated explicitly because it's a hospital, and some dillweed from a few years ago got all mad and was like, “You can't tell me not to go to that hospital if I'm sick or injured.”]

As you can well imagine, the kid who got fired took it in what appeared to be his usual lackluster “ok” way, and I ended the call.

I then received an email from a coworker a little later that day stating the kid I fired called to talk to HR and make a complaint.

Complaint about what? Me? All of my bases were covered: supervisor communication was properly documented; notes about my coaching him to not suck were detailed; providing specific enough information regarding the reason why his assignment was ended. All that jazz.

Curious, I called HR to follow up.

The HR rep let me know that he was just calling to beg for his job back because he didn't know how to tell his parents that he got fired! 

I can say I honestly laughed for probably a solid 45 seconds before telling a few of my coworkers so they could share in the mirth.

Almost makes me rethink my opinion that HR issues can’t spark any joy. Almost.