Idiots...idiots everywhere!

This blog is about the recruitment industry.

If you couldn’t pick that up from the introduction, well, you're an idiot and this post is aptly titled.

Let’s pretend otherwise and move on.

For pure volume reasons, most of the posts are going to be about those [idiots] sitting across from me at the metaphorical interview table. It amounts to the largest fraction of those I interact with, and surely you can’t blame me for that. In the interest of treating all pieces of the “industry” fairly, though, let me spend some time today discussing the idiots on the other side of the job application. That is, my side of the job application.

I have a particular client with particular requirements that need to be met in a particular order prior to someone starting to work. The list is long, and I'm not going to explain it. The only relevant thing you need to know about the list is that each of these particular items amounts to a single data file that must be uploaded to a client-specific program and verified to ensure all requirements are met before a contractor starts working at the site. Once I upload the files, another person who works for my client reviews the submittal and verifies all requirements have been met. If there's an issue/missing item/whatever, we will iterate back and forth until all is well and we get confirmation that the applicant can start work.

Now, I have been working with this client for over four years, and the program that I upload the files to has been the same for the last 8+ years. Said another way, during the four years I've been on this account, nothing has changed regarding the specific requirements. Keep that in mind as we continue along this merry journey together.

Oh, one more thing: Let’s call the person working to verify the requirements have been met on the other side of the computer monitor…Joe. As in Schmuck. Joe Schmuck.

My new buddy Joe was assigned about eight weeks ago as a new contact who is now in charge of verifying the items I upload. Mind you, I can rattle off every one of the 17 specific items and their details (must be within X number of days prior to the person starting, cannot be older than X months or a new one needs to be completed, etc.) in my sleep, so one might say I'm relatively familiar with what is required. Joe is…not quite as familiar with the particulars.

Anyway, I upload the items for an incoming contractor and notify Joe that the items are ready to be verified. He sends back a list of everything I’m missing. I politely (because I know he’s new) reply back to his list and let him know that several of the items on his list are not required for this particular candidate on account of the position he is applying for, as well as where in the program he can find the rest of the items on his list of 'missing' items. He emails back that I'm still missing a couple of things. I reply that the information can be found in the documents that have already been uploaded.

Then we proceed to have a long, drawn-out email battle back and forth regarding what is required for my applicants. After about email number three, I'm irritated. Perhaps something has changed in the requirements of which I was not notified?

I ask. Politely.

Answer: nope, no update on requirements. Everything's the same. But this dude just keeps saying two things are invalid because they're missing certain details. Well, I'm over it, so I add his boss onto the email chain and request that she assist in reviewing the profile items because I need to get this contractor started asap. The boss tells the guy to re-review the items, and the email battle goes silent.

Now, I'm thinking, great! Things will get verified as needed, and I can get this contractor started. Nope. Wrong.

Joe emails back a few days later after I ask for an update on where he’s at for verification and tells me the exact same things are missing.

I've had it. No requirements have changed, I've been doing this for over four years, and he's been doing it for about four days. I know for a fact that my items are correct (I triple-checked just to make sure), so I decide to send an email for the sole (and admittedly passive-aggressive) purpose of copying his boss on it.

• I let him know that this issue is holding up my hiring process and needs to be resolved asap

• I send a screenshot of the item in question

• I highlight the items he seems to think are missing (obviously they're not if I'm able to highlight them)

• I ask him why he cannot just use the highlighted items as they are exactly what he needs

• I offer to put said highlighted items into a list in a word document for easier reading

• I request an example of what, specifically, he is requiring of me so I can proceed to properly format the item in question so it meets his (personal) requirements

His boss emails back stating that the specific requirements for this position HAVE changed. And…the information that Joe is requesting is, in fact, not needed for this category of job at my client site. Said another way, the information that is uploaded in the program already meets the requirements for my position and then some. The boss tells Joe to update his guide to reflect that information and review the profile one more time. Lo and behold, I get an email back about 45 minutes later clearing my contractor to start as all of the required items have been met and verified!

Hooray!

Deciding to be the bigger person, I thank the guy and promptly send him five more profiles to review now that we have resolved the issue. You know what I get in return a minute before my day (work week) is over? A frigging email with a list of the same missing items that we JUST ascertained were not required for this job category! Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously?! I stared at my email in shock. How dumb is this guy? He legit just cleared a profile with the exact same requirements. I don't understand.

Cue a loud shriek of frustration.

But, being the diligent little worker that I am, I decide to work late and go into each profile to verify the 'missing' items are, in fact, fully uploaded because I know I'm not perfect, and I have missed a few things in the past. Items are there. Coincidentally, they are in the exact same place and in the exact same format as the items in the profile the idiot just cleared. So, I send an email reiterating the items that are not required, as well as where in each profile he can find the rest of the 'missing' items. Coincidentally, they are in the same place as the items from the first profile he cleared.

Idiots are everywhere. I would like to say, "I don't mean to sound all high and mighty..." but let's be honest...In this case, yes. Yes, I mean to sound all high and mighty. I've been working with this client and their insanely complicated requirements for over four years. I do not need someone who's been working for four days to tell me that I'm doing my job wrong. He's going to need to figure his job out real quick, or we're going to have some serious issues.