Just not feasible

I love me an impossible odds movie. You know the type: the lone ranger against an infinite number of bad guys, a countdown clock, and a breathless maiden.

[sings theme song]

The reason why I am not alone in loving these movies is because we all know they are, well, impossible. Send me after an infinite number of bad guys and that movie is going to end before the credits are even over. Sure, it’s fun to dream about the time we save <insert significant person in your life> while the rest of the world looks on in awe, but that’s it. It’s just a dream.

Just a dream for some of us, that is.

My coworker recently told me about one particular gentleman who didn’t seem to grasp the concept that certain things are, well, impossible. Or, more precisely, the gentleman’s girlfriend.

Let’s discuss.

The gentleman in question had applied for work, and during the course of his interview, provided a riveting account of a terrible work history. For most of history, this would have resulted in no job offer, a DNU in the file, and the end of the post as we know it.

However, this particular person had arrived to his interview with someone (we are going to assume it a girlfriend) who seemed unduly upset that no job was offered and pushed for additional explanation as to why her boyfriend wasn’t offered a job. My coworker explained that due to the lack of longevity at any one of his prior jobs, none of our clients in the area would consider an offer at this time. To drive the point home, my coworker explained to the dynamic duo that the only client who would even potentially consider bringing them on was a manufacturer 67 miles north who doesn't give two figs about work history and would take anyone because their turnover is abysmal and they need people that badly...because they dropped their plant 67 miles away from their labor force and refused to pay the prevailing wage needed to get folks out to the plant.

But then we get to the good part: The guy didn't drive.

Cue up that theme song.

The girlfriend pipes up that she could take him to and from work. Kudos to my coworker for not laughing aloud. Instead, she calmly explained that she did not feel that would be a good, feasible match, for several reasons:

1. The drive would take over an hour, and it only pays $15.50/hour because it's in the absolute sticks.

2. Since the girlfriend wasn't going to be working there, apparently the plan would be to drive the guy up there and drop him off at 6am, go home, drive back to pick him up at 2:30pm, and drive home. That would be over four hours in the car per day for this lady.

3. Also, doing some general math, if the vehicle got 25 miles per gallon, it would take close to three quarters of a tank of gas per day to get this guy to and from work. For. One. Day.

Really?

[dum dum da-da dum dum…]