Identification documents or 'I9s'

American History 101: Al Capone was an infamous gangster based in Chicago during the 20’s and 30’s. Pop culture would have you picture dark alleyways and double-breasted suits and enormous revolvers that somehow mysteriously hide perfectly inside those suits before they are pulled out and casually waved around in a threatening-but-not-threatening manner.

You know what he was ultimately arrested for? Tax evasion. Not murder. Or gun running. Or protection rackets.

Those feds mean business when it comes to collecting the green that makes the world go round.

American Civics 101: In addition to paying taxes, there are myriad other little details that come along with doing business [legally] in the US. For example, if you are going to [legally] work in the US, you need proper identification to verify you are who you say you are and that you are [legally] able to work in the US. For those of you that care, they are called acceptable I9 documents. You are then required to present the forementioned proper documentation to your employer before starting work. Furthermore, your employer is required by federal law to examine whatever identification you decide to provide in-person.

Oh, man. It’s starting to feel like we have a theme for this week!

Let’s circle back to that “in-person” piece of the picture. We are not allowed to accept pictures, photocopies, whatever. You must march your enthusiastically-employed butt into the office and hand them your original ID.

Is it a pain? Yes.

Is it the law? Yes.

Am I interested in going to jail for identity fraud or whatever charge some ADA with a chip on his shoulder could drum up? Nope.

Get over it.

Trust me, I would prefer you shoot me a text or email with a picture containing your IDs. I don’t want to meet with you any more than you want to meet with me, but federal regulations do not allow us to accept anything other than an in-person presentation!

[Sidenote: you should probably not be sending legal forms of your identification over unencrypted messages for anyone to hack and steal. Not that the majority of humanity is intelligent enough to commit identity theft, but still.]

What blows my mind is how MAD people get when we tell them we have to see their IDs in-person:

• Why can't you just accept a picture?" Would if I could, trust me, but we can't. We don't make the rules. We just follow them.

• "My last job accepted a picture." Good for them. They're not following federal regulations and could (if the government found out) potentially be fined a shit-ton of money. Not my problem, but I’m also not jumping on the illegal bandwagon.

• "But I don't have the originals/my IDs." What kind of grown-ass adult doesn't have their (original) identification? Did you take a picture and promptly dispose of your IDs? Not the best idea, dumbass. Did you lose them? Then I recommend you get them replaced, dipshit.

I get that we don't need our IDs for everyday life, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have them or at least know where they are. I mean, I could see an 18-year old not having the original copy of his/her birth certificate because Mommy Dearest still has it in her safety deposit box (or stuffed in a box in a closet, you know, whatever), but come on. An adult should have at least a photo ID of some kind (driver's license, state-issued ID, something) and a social security card.

Don't get pissed off at me when I'm following government regulations and you're not adult enough to have an original form of your ID. Understand that the law is the law and that I/my company do not make the law. We are just required to follow it. Same as you.