Figure it out

I don’t like change. I’m probably going to die in the house I live in right now to avoid the stress of finding a different address, frankly. In fact, I’m so adverse to change I may die in the house I live in right now because I’m adverse to change! Think: falling down the stairs because I’m too much of a fool to move to a ranch. In, like, forty years, mind you.

Ok, fine, thirty years.

Maybe twenty-five.

(Hey, sixty is the new forty, am I right?)

I truly don’t relate to folks that can switch jobs as though it is no more stressful than picking a new pair of underwear on a daily basis. I couldn’t tell you the color of underwear I have on right now if my job depended on it, but I sure as shootin' would remember if I decided to switch jobs after N number of years.

Think: obsess over each new email, screech every time my phone rang, monitor time since application, calculate number of seconds at which electrons travel via email, etc.

By contrast, the underwear metaphor feels much more consistent for a select category of folks who have no idea who I am when I call them…after introducing myself.

Let me paint this picture:

Me: Hi, I'm calling to follow up on the application you submitted for a food service position with XX hospital.

I don't know (IDK): Uh, a hospital?

Me: Yes. Food service at XX hospital.

IDK: What's that?

Me: You'd be working for the kitchen, and depending on where you're assigned, you might be bringing meal trays to patient rooms, serving in the cafeteria, or general food prep/cleaning in the kitchen.

IDK: So, like bringing food to old people.

Me: No. I just explained it, but it seems you aren't interested in that type of work. What kind of work are you interested in?

IDK: I don't know (mumble mumble mumble)

Me: Ok, how about a preferred shift?

IDK: I don't know.

Me: Desired pay rate?

IDK: I don't know. Me: Alright, well, you need to figure all that out before you start applying for jobs. Since you have no idea what you want, I'm not going to take the time to walk through everything with you. Figure it out, and call back once you do.

IDK: Ok.

I mean, come on. Should I assume his buddy applied for the position in his name? It's happened before...